Full of Memories

This memorial day marks the day of what would have been my brother’s 15th birthday. I am filled with memories of life back then when things were just so simple. So many fun family times, nights at the park and days on the beach, all filled with such a memorable joy. Those were the days before grief and heartache became most unwelcome guests in my heart.

Those days were followed by many long, grueling nights filled with questions of “why?” and “how?” The death of a loved one is such a gut wrenching horror to endure. There’s so much pain and so much anger. You can kick and scream, clench your fists, or run away, but it won’t bring life back to a lifeless body. It’s in these moments of complete confusion and desperation that it seems there’s no other choice but to cling on to the truths of scripture and run to the arms of Jesus. Not only do we need His sustainment day to day, but in times such as these, it’s moment to moment. When it’s more than you can bear, when it seems there’s not enough strength to make it through the day, we have a sure and steadfast hope in Christ that is an anchor for our souls. It’s as though in the deafening roar of grief and loss, God’s calming whisper is amplified. He draws me in to His incomprehensible peace, and in those moments, there is such security.

Even today, though, I’m still filled with questions of “why?” and “how?”

“How long must we wait?”
“Why doesn’t this get any easier?”

But it’s with tears in my eyes, yet peace in my heart that I rejoice. I rejoice that He works all things together for good (Romans 8:28). I rejoice that death doesn’t mark an end (1 Corinthians 15:55). And I rejoice that despite sadness and pain, my hope is anchored in something so much bigger.