There’s no denying that this has been a season of heavy-heartedness for me, and I think my last few posts on this ol’ blog of mine tend to highlight that more prominently than I initially intended. I continue to be amazed by feedback from those that are walking through similar seasons and I’m encouraged to know that I’m not on this journey alone. While I am so grateful for the lessons the Lord is teaching me through times of heartache, I think it is important to acknowledge that seasons of brokenness tend to shift our focus even further inward. For me, that has been the most difficult part of walking through the dark days. I’m left with a constant struggle to fix my eyes on Jesus while allowing hard times to refine me, not define me. Today was no exception.
Being that it’s Monday and I actually had to wake up and contribute energy to this day had me kicking and screaming since my feet hit the cold floor at 7 o clock this morning. Coming off of a weekend of maximum emotions and minimal sleep, I resolved to just accept this day for what it is and make the most of it, so I started by declaring it “wear your PJs to work day,” which went pretty well, though I only issued the memo to myself. To my credit, I wore “borderline pajamas” which could easily pass for a sorry excuse for normal clothes, so I did have that going for me. I arrived to work on time, which truly is a miracle, but I suppose that’s expected – especially when getting ready required nothing more than teeth brushing and deodorant application. I sat down at my desk to begin working on payroll, which obviously filled me with exuberance because nothing wakes me up quite like calculations and the abrasive light of my computer screen piercing through my squinted, tired eyes. And I’ll spare you the horrid details of what I saw each time I walked past the unavoidable reflective surfaces throughout the office.
Needless to say, it’s been one of those days.
I couldn’t wait to get home and write out all of the little details that made today so incredibly unfortunate, and that’s exactly what I did. And as I sat there proofing the post one final time, I was struck by the realization that life is so much more than Mondays. In fact, there are 6 other days in the week that I find to be perfectly decent most of the time and
rarely occasionally, Mondays aren’t all that bad either. Life can be hard-incredibly much so at times- but even on the stormy days, there’s reason to be thankful.
So with a swipe of my finger, I highlighted the block of text that was my soon-to-be blog post, and erased it from the page. Today, I refuse to focus on the negative. Instead, I will choose to think only of what is lovely, what is good, and what is positive. So in lieu of this disaster day, here’s a list of some happy little things that I’ve seemingly forgotten in my distressed state:
- How good it feels to have a place to call home – and the wet puppy kisses that greet me when I enter it.
- A dinner date with my dad tonight – because I haven’t had an actual conversation with him in weeks.
- The way it feels to hold my Bible in my lap and thumb through actual pages as opposed to reading selected scriptures on my phone. Also – the way it feels to wantto be in the Word (a desire I’m ashamed to admit has been lacking as of late).
- Several dates on the calendar this week to meet with people I love dearly, yet haven’t disciplined myself to make time for.
- A care package from a friend – full of my favorite goodies – because my sternum was hurting last week and I was being a baby.
- A job where I can wear my pajamas and people know not to question it. (Aloud).
- Quality alone time – because sometimes you just need it.
- A Father that has a perfectly planned purpose for my life, thus alleviating me of loads of stress.
- Excedrin- the migraine version.
- Laughter – and all of the things that provoke it. It’s seriously one of the greatest gifts. Laughing gets me through everything – even days like today.
Sitting here now, I’m just thankful for life and the series of unfortunate, messy days that make it what it is. It no longer matters that I plunged my elbow through a 32oz. diet coke I got for my boss or that I was drenched on the walk to my car in the rain. I’m grateful. Grateful that when my life is messy and I stumble and fall, I’m caught in His grace. Time after time.
What’s on your happy list?