It’s well after Midnight on this rainy November night, and I sit in my bed with eyes quite literally glued open by result of Halloween costume makeup gone wrong. You can read more about that here.
I can either stare at dark walls or this screen, so blank word document it is. Microsoft Office and I have such and on and off relationship. Some days, there are 15 open windows, and I switch between them jotting thoughts and penning prayers. But lately, this hasn’t been the case. I’ve taken some time off from writing to do some gut-checking, to do some real, deep heart evaluation, so that’s where I’ve been, deep in the trenches of my very own life’s waste, just in case you’ve been wondering.
These last few weeks haven’t lacked words, though. In fact, I have been keeping a running note in my phone where I compile the truths that hit me in the middle of my moments. I think, I should share this on my blog! But then, a deeper stirring within says to wait.
So wait I have, through long, hard days. When it feels my only solace would be putting pen to paper, scripting words and sharing them with you, I wait.
I’ve learned a lot in the waiting, so much so that I don’t know quite where to begin, so allow me to start with the two most pressing on my heart.
Not all must be shared.
Whenever I reach a point of breakthrough in my life, in my heart, in my spirit, there’s something inside me that wants to write it down and share it here. It’s like each personal epiphany is just waiting to be broadcasted before it even has the time to settle in my heart. I think this is dangerous. The Lord works in our lives in very personal ways. I know He delights when we share of His goodness with others. But, I also think that I tend – that we all tend – to share things in our lives immediately and then move forward. We get a haircut, post a picture to social media, check it off the list and move on. But the Lord works within, intentionally and intricately molding the internal. I think we miss out on the intimacy with Jesus that is gained when we don’t allow ourselves to just sit in His presence and soak in the truths that He’s forging in our hearts.
Also, there’s just that tendency to think oh wow, the Lord has really taught me about humility this week. Let me share what I’ve learned. Then we proceed in looking for the next big thing God will do in our hearts, when the reality is that He often teaches us the same lesson over and over again, all throughout life. Don’t let it pass over you like an autumn breeze. Take it in before you share it.
Heart Motive is Important.
I am oh so very guilty of crafting words and formulating blog posts out of an ill intentioned heart. People that know the girl behind the words are quick to pick up on this.
The wisest woman in my life told me years ago that in all we do, it is important that we check our heart motive. Through the years, the truth in that has begun to take hold, especially lately. Pure heart motives prevent words spoken out of spite or haste, and they aid in keeping one’s conscience clear.
This can be applied in all areas of life. I’m still learning.
As always, I’m grateful for grace as I grow. My prayer and heart for this blog has always been that it would be a place of encouragement and authenticity, and if that’s ever compromised, I know I need to take a break. I’m hoping to get back into writing more frequently this month! I’ve got lots to say…which should come as no surprise!
Thanks for reading along and for your sweet comments and emails. I cherish those always.