I hear the Savior say, thy strength indeed is small
My, how small it has felt here lately. Between job changes, life changes and everything in between, I’m reminded all the more of just how very frail I am. Jesus has gotten my leftovers. I’ve offered Him up the few moments before my will gives way to the weight of my eyelids, and the occasional plea that I may draw another breath as I struggle through a workout class, and that’s about it.
Today, somewhere between being the lunch lady and the popcorn police, I stopped and looked out the window at all the darn snow and resented the way it has wrecked my week. Sliding across icy roads in sub-zero temperatures is never my favorite, and doing so in my tiny, snow-covered vehicle doesn’t make it any easier. Adults don’t get snow days; we get extra difficult days. They’re the days where plans are rearranged and days that make the biggest messes of our calendars. I just plain hate the snow.
So as I thought of all the ways the snow has ruined my life this week, I also thought of everything that hasn’t gone according to plan in the last several months, and then I did what I’ve been wishing the snow would do and I melted.down. Like a crazy person. Right there in front of that window I had every intention of moving to Florida tomorrow and never looking back, even though I should never hope to live in Florida. Being trapped in the house for days does something unique to one’s psyche. It convinces you that this is the closest to prison you’ve ever been and trading your left arm for a trip to Target is cause for consideration because I JUST WANT TO EAT AN APPLE AND LOOK AT SWIMSUITS AND THINK ABOUT SUMMER.
But since that is not my current reality, I’m sitting here thinking of all the things I hate. I actually started a note in my phone, appropriately titled, “Things I hate.” (I guess I have more time on my hands than I sometimes think I do). So it went:
- Losing my voice
- Wearing a coat
- Not being able to eat doughnuts
- Working out
- Cleaning the kitchen 4 times today
And that was just the small stuff. I hate the big stuff too, like death and divorce and my natural inclination towards sin in selfishness.
But I noticed something from my list. All the things, all the big things that I have hated are things that God has used to refine me. It’s often the very things we dread the most that the Lord uses to remind us that He’s still on the throne. He has reminded me time after time of His faithfulness to me in His steadfast pursuit of my heart. He has met me in the places where the rubber has met the (icy) road and shown me mercy in my mess. He has seen all of my gross and shown me all of His grace. He has welcomed this wanderer; He has saved this sinner. This sinner whose sin had left a crimson stain…
He washed it white as snow
White as…snow. And when my brain equates snow to the grace He pours out, it only seems fitting that there be an over-abundance. As the snow blankets the grass, so His grace washes over me, cleansing me of all my sin and presenting me spotless to the Father.
Jesus paid it all.
A cancelled debt. A sinner won. A heart humbled by truth this day.
Thank you, Lord, for working legs, a car that runs, a voice with the freedom to be heard, a job, warmth, and a rewarding rest at the end of it all.
I’m grateful for the way He speaks through my selfishness, for the way He sanctifies me through the snow.
All to Him I owe.
No more leftovers. No more second best for the One who gave his best for my worst.
Find in Me thine all in all
May it be so, Lord.
“For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him”